Yellow and Pink Alstroemerias (Peruvian Lilies). A perfect symbol for the blog.
Having been in a job I never really liked, I wondered how people allow a company to dictate their life. I struggled with the value and concept of earning and having money. And I grappled with the injustices and hardships I and those around me faced.
Through the smiles and tears over the past 5 years, there were attitudes I gained that I shouldn’t have and perspectives I gained that I am thankful for.
So here are five things I’ve learned over the past five years.
1. Student life does not prepare you for life in a corporate office.
My university life was not as hectic as others. There were days I only had 2 classes. My day started at 9am and at times ended at 3 pm. On rare occasions did I have to be in the classroom by 7 am. Rarely so did I have to take a class that ended after 6 pm.
Life was simpler. Little did I know that waking up every day hours before 8:30 am and heading home by 8 pm would drain you. Little did I know my life was about to completely change.
When the week was over, I slept in. Saturdays were left for indulgence. I stayed in bed for as long as I can. Even if I was hungry, I made myself stay in bed long after my family members had their breakfast and lunch.
No one prepares you for staring at your laptop for hours on end over work that never seems to get done, with limited lunch breaks and late nights.
After two years, the company decided to implement a staggered schedule set-up and totally reorganized my department. I changed my schedule to 9am to 6 pm, and now the position I held was cut down to FIVE different roles.
Now FIVE people do everything I used to do alone. I now have more time to myself and decided to work on things I actually cared about.
So here we are. Here is this blog.
2. Nothing is fair, even in a well-established corporation.
I used to work 10-12 hours a day with some officemates that worked more than 15 hours a day. I was already lucky at that rate. In the same office were employees whose odd were better. They left at 5:30 pm on the dot. They did not want to waste another second in that crummy dim-light office.
In all honestly, I work in a company that probably provides benefits that no local business could match in their biggest dreams. Regardless, the organization is unfair. Some co-workers sit in that office staring at the clock for the time to leave, and some could not even find the time to eat breakfast or lunch.
At first, my daily routine was that of the latter. Only until 2018 did my personal workload allow me to experience the former. Even if my workload has significantly improved, the pressure on my deliverables multiplied tenfold. I also bear guilt over the privilege that others could not have.
Don’t get me wrong, I am very much thankful, but my heart aches for those who are probably more burnt-out than me.
3. Your priorities in life dictate each minute of your day.
I have worked with this woman who is in charge of a certain consumer loan. Her dedication and perseverance are impeccable. Even if many circumstances do not seem to have gone her way, she still wakes up each morning ready to face the day’s work.
I know how she desires to one day settle down, have kids, and probably get a better job. But she continues to grind. And grind she does. Lunch for her is usually 3-4pm, some days none. Her workday (not always but not out of the ordinary) ends by 9-10pm and even up to 11pm.
Saturdays are dedicated to production when all else are still in bed. Sundays are her only days to herself.
If that were me, I would have given up easily. And yet, she is there, still alive and kicking. Even after heartbreak, an operation, and the attack of a pandemic.
It used to baffle me how people dedicate their lives to a job to serve the demands of upper management all their life. It was never a dream for me to climb up a corporate ladder, and yet some work and strive each day for just that.
I learned that one will dedicate their all to their goals in life. Whether it be on top of the corporate ladder, earning as much money as they can, meeting all quotas from upper management, or ensuring you have a great retirement package to fall back on, your waking hours will revolve around your goal.
Throughout my time here, I realized this life is not for me. Maybe so when I have kids to feed, but not right now. I could not dedicate my life to this world. I respect it, but I should at least try out for the things I want. I would rather fail at a younger age than when children rely on me for their survival.
I may not exactly know what my goal is now, but I’m trying to find it. I want to one day make every minute of my life dedicated to it.
4. Money Honey: Needs, wants, and the temptation of luxury.
I fully understand that work is there for you to live. You need money to purchase the food on the table, the light in your bathroom, and the water in your tub. Some use it to get their hands on extravagant jewelry, the latest gaming device, and even the long-sought Louis Vuitton bag. Work gives you money, and you can use that money to make yourself happy.
Some countries and corporations are strict, ensuring that people work so they can live. NOT live every breathing minute so they can work. And each one lives on their own accord, in line with what they individually believe in.
I grew up surrounded by people who are not well-off. I grew up part of the middle class and was never exposed to certain people and certain lifestyles. I could not say that I was not shocked at the purchases and indulgences of my new workmates.
(Yo! None of these are real Hahaha!)
Knowing the struggles of others, I was pushed to judge. It was and still is a learning curve for me to respect each one with their individual paths.
How different this world is from those days in elementary when everyone wanted the same things. If scrunchies were in then, every girl had them. If bags with wheels were in, then almost every kid had them too. Although this ‘blending in’ mentality still pervades some, I admire those who stand by their strong individuality. I acknowledge those who stand by their beliefs and are firm with their responsibilities.
If I was not so careful with my money, I’d say I would have hoped on the bandwagon too. People clad in luxury, the latest trends, and the newest gear may push me to garner feelings of jealousy. However, in this struggle, I am learning what I truly value and the burden of cash over the life I aspire for, for the dreams I want to try to take and make into reality.
As I said, we all have different priorities. Only a few can have all the good things at once.
5. Mundane is reality, and dreams may fade away.
There are people content clocking in and out. They wait for the next day to do the same again, and again, and again.
I, on the other hand, am so sick of doing things over and over again. The data, the numbers, the constants tweaks sometimes make me want to bury myself underground. I marveled at those who survived through this position for more than 3 years. How? I am already burnt out, yet some people have been in my position for almost 20 years.
As much as I am ready and willing to leave the company, I cannot just yet. I have plans and aspirations that still have to be supported by a regular 9-5. I sometimes feel that I need more than this 9-5 to fund my dream, but I also feel like I have no time to spare for anything else. My blogging is already so elusive. What more another job with actual expectations and deliverables?
I honestly do not know how people do it. You know how they say we are young and have energy and have no time? This seems to resonate strongly with me now. We have the strength and the money, but we barely have the time. We are too busy laboring day in and out for other people. I do not want to look back at my twenties and regret having dreamed and learned what I can do better in my thirties.
All of a sudden, time seems to fly fast by. And my dreams are, one by one, evaporating into the wind. Sitting in my office and looking at faces who have been here for 10-15 years, I wonder if time whispered in their ear that they could no longer dream. I wonder if reality came at them gently or hard, like falling smackdown on the pavement. Did life gently say this is who you are now? Or did it scream at them at the top of its lungs?
I have come to accepts that one day I may have to listen to the whisper of the night calling, “Rest your weary head. Enough trying. The day has passed. All that is left is the work you left on your table Friday evening.”
Busyzi 