The past month has been rough. We experienced a loss. Another birthday came which was celebrated with more than a few tears. The year was finally coming to a close, and more than ever, I felt more than incredibly stuck.
Now that the holiday season has rolled in, it is a good time to sit and look back at the year. Hopefully, I could tell how much things have actually changed—even if I feel like things have remained the same. So here are a few things I learned in the last year.
1. Letting go of things from the past
This year, I was hung over the things I should have done, especially when I was at the university. My family is traditional, and so after I graduated from high school, I went straight to college. Then went straight to being a slave to a national corporation that could replace me in a snap.
Obviously, I am not fulfilled. But that is not the point of this. The point here is that I never got the chance to even try things that I cared for.
One thing I learned to let go of was my heart to dance. I was not granted the opportunity to take formal lessons. When the opportunity opened itself to me when I was a Junior in High School (by chance—I did not even audition), I fell deeper in love with the art.
I fell in love just to have my heartbroken when I went to college. The dance organizations of the campus I attended did not capture the style and dedication of a troupe I experienced in High School. I was hoping that after my time at the university something would come around. I was ready to put in hard-earned money to take lessons, but my job ate more of my time than I anticipated.
6-years have gone by, and there I was still pinning over something I believe I will no longer get to do. The last time I danced was more than 10 years ago. I am nearing my 30s, and nothing professional could come out of this childhood dream. And so, I believed it was high time to let it go.
Half of my heat has been crushed since then. Right now, I know it’s impossible. And so, I was left to look at other things that interest me and work on the other gifts given me, even if I know I have less talent in these fields.
Letting go reminded me that we were not created as one-dimensional beings. We can learn new things and grow.
2. Chapters end. People come and go.
There are people I will forever cherish in my life.
Although I never went around with some best friend since grade school, some people will always have a place in my heart. Some of these people I have never seen since I graduated college, some I have not talked to since we got busy with our jobs, and some I only get to see in family reunions, but their impact on my life is immeasurable.
I understand we have our own lives, problems, struggles, and paths—be it here or someplace heavenly. I also know how vast the world is, and just like the plates of the earth, people will drift apart. Life can take people to paths that will no longer intersect for the foreseeable future. And for that, I had to learn to appreciate the chapters I got to share with them.
I may not have that permanent group of friends like that of Ted Mosbey in How I Met Your Mother or that of Monica Geller in Friends, people I have known since, but I have memories deeply engraved into my mind. And for that, I am forever grateful.
This is a shout-out to you, you who may not know it but have touched my life. Even small, I can move forward only because the chapters have ended.
3. Time
Time is sand in your hands. Grains will always slip through no matter how tight your grip is.
The past month has made me think of time in a new light.
I have tried to make better use of my time. At the time of writing this paragraph, it was 12:45 AM. I knew full well that I had to be up by about 8 AM later that day, and 7:30 AM the following days.
All structure of managing my time has been thrown out the window since the beginning of November. So many things have been going on that I could not seem to balance everything I needed to do and still get enough sleep.
Time is messy. When you feel like you finally have the right momentum, suddenly, the rug is pulled from under your feet. You’re left trying to put pieces back into a totally different frame.
When the grains we have been holding on to have passed, a new lens on life is forced on us. And you will just have to make do.
This year has taught me that I should make the best of the time I have. I should stop putting my life on hold and not hide behind those who are living loudly.
4. Self-Care
Resting, and pampering yourself is still being productive. Do not forget that.
Being productive does not necessarily mean completing tasks or checking another thing off your ‘To-Do’ list, but also means allowing your body to recuperate.
I am so used to feeling disappointed when I chose to scroll through the internet for hours instead of working on either this blog or other projects I hope to get done with life. It’s second nature for me to put myself down in the dump because I have wasted my time.
Instead of using this feeling to put my phone down and disconnect from the web, I use it as an excuse to lay in bed all the more adding flame to the fire.
Over the year, I tried to recognize when I was actually lazy or when my body no longer wanted to work because it needed a break. Taking a few days off to head to the beach further knocked my schedule out of whack, and as much as I was a busy body, no work seemed to produce any fruit in the past few weeks. So I just stopped trying.
Sometimes, rest is all the body needs. I was running on little to no fuel and thought I was doing fine. In reality, I was going nowhere and decided to be in the moment of that nowhere.
From the beginning of creation, we were told to rest. Self-care is just as important as everything else you get done in the rest of the week. Don’t take it lightly.
5. Perseverance
Things are really only bound to fail when we decide to let them.
Pushing myself to learn more and more quotes for my weekly Wednesday posts has given me more perspective on the idea of failing. With that, I decided to do all I possibly can before I throw in the towel.
I see people around me creating this and that but here I am feeling so stuck in a 9 to 5.
I am not and have not been pushing for better things, be it for my career or dreams.
At the end of the day, I know it all points be back to point number 3-TIME. Watching tick, tick… BOOM!, I was reminded of how short life could be and how we should not keep pushing our dreams aside. Even if that dream is an apartment building with a doorman and a BMW. (This movie broke my heart by the way. Go check it out). Go for it.
So make every waking hour one closer to your dream, even if it means losing your power connection and eviction notices.
Sidenote: Don’t forget to sit and take the break your body deserves
Jonathan Larson had to wait for more than a decade before any of the worlds he created in his mind were formed into something concrete in the physical realm. Even with all the setbacks he faced, he kept going.
So will I. So should you.
Don’t be afraid to look hard at the person in the mirror and face your baggage as well. It’s your turn to sit and review the year.
Hope you all had a great Christmas. Happy Holidays to all.
Busyzi 