It is never too late to transform yourself

I decided to chop off my hair and go from black to the lightest blonde possible (the only shade available in my city).  

For a first-timer in the hair-dying scene, this is pretty drastic. My scalp hated me as I sat on the salon chair for about 4 hours with 3 layers of bleach making its magic.

After waiting for this moment for years, everything changed in less than a day. No turning back, now.

Gladly, I was far from disappointed over my transformation.

Going through my hair journey, I came to appreciate the fact that transformations may take time, they may hurt, they may even cost you quite some money, and they would be messy.

That does not mean they are not worth it.

ONE TRANSFORMATION AT A TIME

Cutting off and dying my hair may seem trivial, but it felt to me like a turning point for everything else.

 I have been in a place I know I was not my happiest. For a moment, I believed that was the best spot I could be in, something I had to hold on to (Check out my October 2020 Post Here!). The longer I stayed, the grosser I felt. I cared less about how I felt, and so I dragged my feet till my heels bled and my body staggered.

I somehow became a robot to a system that needed my outputs but cared not of the pieces that made the machine move. Day in and day out, I pushed the keys of my office computer to meet deadlines I cared not of. I did what had to be done, not out of my desire to produce but of necessity.

I missed valuable time with family members, one I will never get to see again. Despite being credited 15 leaves, plus a maximum of 10 from the previous year, we were only allowed time off work for 1 week (straight) maximum. Other leaves had to be taken in increments. And so, I was only given 1 to 2 days free from my duties to spend time with extended family members who have taken the time to visit the Philippines for a few weeks. Regrettably, my 5-day straight leaves were scheduled at the end of the year when the unit was sure all deadlines were met, and quotas were exceeded.

As much as the job kept me afloat financially, I was drowning mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Things needed to change. Although I still do not know what will become of me, I need to take things into my own hands.

Little by little, I began to move the pieces that I can. First by actively looking for other jobs, next by starting a passion project and hoping it flies, third was leaving my current job to pursue things I genuinely care about.

So far, these have been years in the making, but small drops of rain eventually lead to the ocean. The ocean was my goal.

So here I am with new hair, a step for something bigger.

I had to wait more than 4 hours to get my hair done, so much so would I have to wait longer for bigger transformations in my life.

TRANSFORMATION HURTS

Bleach hurts your scalp. Either that or my skin is too sensitive for these kinds of things. I could not imagine how other people do this regularly, I want to know.

There were minutes on that salon chair that I was wriggling and sweating through the pain, fighting all the urge to rinse my head off or give my scalp a good scratch.

I had to push through the pain to get what I wanted.

TRANSFORMATIONS WILL COST YOU

Nothing in life is free. Everything of value is worth a price, and the question here is, are you willing to pay the cost?

For my hair, I had to pay about four thousand pesos. That is not cheap where I am from. I had to weigh whether it was worth putting that much money on hair. The thing is, I was never one to think that I should spend money on vanity. It was just last year that I learned how important being happy in your own skin is. How you feel on the inside will always creep its way out, you know? But that is a topic for another day.

Anyway, the whole idea of me leaving my job to pursue passion was a tough decision given the costs. Leaving my job would cost me a stable income, a great retirement plan, and corporate health insurance coverage not just for myself but also for my parents. If I would not land a job in the timeline I have set for myself, I will have to carve out a huge chunk from my savings to sustain me instead of using that fund for other possible income-generating assets (which was the point of building up my savings).

Not only that, but even the prospect of improving oneself will cost you. 

Courses in Udemy, Coursera, and even reading articles in the Harvard Business review require payments. Although some people do believe you can learn everything free online, one could miss the benefit of having a coach guide you along the way and push you to put yourself out there. 

The costs may feel extravagant sometimes, but the trade-off will be worth it in the long run. We just have to make sure we are using the money we have for the best to become the person we want to be. As the saying goes, all good things come at a price.

TRANSFORMATION IS MESSY

Aside from the pain of getting my hair done, I had to wipe away some stray chunks of bleach that fell all over my face and find a way to stop some water from dripping down my neck. I watched as the stylist changed from one pair of gloves to the next as they moved from bleach layer to bleach layer and then top it all off with some dye.

Transitions can be messy and sometimes even stink (the bleach hurt my nose so much my eyes were tearing up). Through the process I went from black to some bright orange, then yellow noodle hair for a while. That bright noodle color looked very plastic and, sadly, damaged. But the mess is all a part of the process. I knew the fight was not over.  

You have to learn to be patient enough and pull through the ugly to get to the end.