Last week a group of girl friends and I booked ourselves full-body massages for a spa day. Aside from the massages, my sister and I got facials while two of our friends got body scrubs.
It was a day for self-care and pampering.
We were there to relax and refresh ourselves, starting with a few minutes in the warm embrace of their sauna, filled with the deep smell of old wood.
Sitting and sweating in the dark heat, I closed my eyes and let the thick air engulf me. It felt like I was transported to a time and space far from the real world and its troubles.
Before this, I have never gone all-out pampering myself for a whole afternoon. Going to the spa was something I have always thought of but never did.
I was not convinced it was worthwhile.
I believed in these four myths about self-care that hindered me from really caring for myself and my wellbeing, myths that you may believe too.
1. There is No Time for Self-Care
Setting appointments and spending whole or half days in a spa may seem like a waste of time with the demands of adulting.
Contrary to popular belief, we can make time for such frivolities.
Instead of caring for ourselves, we make ourselves busy, flooding our time with unnecessary activities that distract us from what truly matters.
The root of self-care is for us to reach the “most constructive, effective, and authentic self,” according to this article by the Harvard Business Review. Self-care is putting ourselves in the best condition to reach our personal goals.
Self-care is thus pertinent in the process of reaching your goals. It is something that you should set aside time for. And although self-care includes taking a break or getting away (which may seem counterintuitive), a better and healthy you will always be an advantage on the journey.
2. Self-Care is being Selfish
My sister had to leave work to make it to our spa appointment.
From the outside perspective, her leaving the office and its deadlines may seem selfish. She put her personal comfort ahead of the demands of her company.
Whenever I took a week’s leave, I felt guilty over leaving things and quotas un-met. The same thing happened when I finally decided to resign. I rushed to finish all possible deliverables to the last minute (check out my experience joining the great resignation here).
Prioritizing yourself may seem selfish in the eyes of your boss and society. But as self-care is slowly establishing itself within the walls of a company, it is time to look at it in the right light.
This article in the New York Times talks about the very topic. The article even gives examples of how self-care could mean helping others. It is not selfish.
At the end of the day, a company will benefit more from less employee burnout and maybe even turnover.
3. Self-Care is a Waste of Money or an Extravagance
Massages range from almost 400 pesos to 600, depending on the type of massage you choose. Special facials are even more expensive at about 700 to 800 pesos. My friends who got body scrubs with full-body massages paid about a thousand plus for the package.
If you live a frugal lifestyle, these procedures sound extravagant, something my family never indulged in. Even if my dad got regular massages to treat neck pain (from years and years of staring at computer screens), he never seemed to go to these spas to merely treat himself.
I then never really looked at activities for such self-care as a practical expense but only when needed and if not an extravagance.
The perspective has to change.
Self-care does not necessarily mean going to a spa and paying for these services. It could mean getting away (check out my blog about getting away here) and even replacing junk food with healthier options based on this article by Forbes. Caring for yourself could be as simple as giving yourself an allowance to fail or sleeping in (another tip from the HBR article).
4. Self-Care is Vanity
I believed in the lie that feeling good about yourself and comfortable in your skin meant you were vain.
Growing up, I barely looked at myself in the mirror and cared about my appearance. Family members used to remind me to comb my hair, which was useless since my wavy hair turned frizzy in the Philippine humidity.
I had mixed feelings about my friends who always looked at themselves in the mirror. On the other hand, I left the house without planning my outfit.
School and the community around me made me look at confidence and dolling up as a sign of vanity and pride. Humility and modesty were hammered into my head instead.
I then avoided conversations about how I looked, which hurt me in the long run.
Since I did not give myself enough sleep, eat healthily, and give myself the proper breaks to be revitalized, I found myself burnt out and exhausted.
All the stress and fatigue made their way to my physical body, my under eyes were turning into a dark abyss, and my skin was paler than a cloudy afternoon sky. My skin was dull, elasticity was waning, and fine lines were making their permanent home on my forehead.
I was wasting away, and I felt bad about myself.
It took me this pandemic to realize that feeling good mentally, emotionally, and physically is not vanity. Dressing up in ways that make you feel confident and comfortable is not being conceited.
Loving your body was one of the 5 rules on self-care in this article by Fast Company.
So get that facial, purchase that gym plan, and buy that pricey but recommended skin care product. Looking in the mirror and appreciating what you see is nothing like the folly of Narcissus.
Confidence in your skin is not a sin.
Life is hard, but that does not mean you should be hard on yourself.
Busyzi 