When I resigned from my old job, a weight lifted off my shoulders. And I found happiness in the stillness and peace in the freedom.
Some people may have thought it boring to lose the busyness of a job. Not for me. There was so much more to life than working for some employer.
I was tired of helping rich people get rich as I earned pennies. The break from work was what I needed.
No pressure or external threat breathed down my neck. I did not need to jump back into a calloused shell that lived and breathed for another’s deadlines.
And then, one day, the stillness turned into eerie silence. A choice fell on my lap: get back on the endless wheel of work, or maintain my newfound freedom.
So here is why I decided to get another full-time job:
1. Understanding Your Needs
Fearing My Needs and Contemplation on Money
To be frank, I did not want to work for someone else again.
I arrived at a point in the peace of my unemployment where I was convinced I needed nothing more.
I was living off an early retirement benefit. As a backup, stock purchases from my previous job were enough to help me for a couple of years if I decided to sell.
Savings covered my basic needs, and I was returning to things I once loved.
On the downside, my phone was giving up on me after almost 7-years of service, and my laptop’s graphics card began getting buggy after an update. On top of that, the need to get out of town bubbled underneath my skin.
The money needed for unplanned expenses pushed me to consider getting on the working-class horse.
It felt wrong to pull out a chunk of my savings when I had no income and the world was recovering from a worldwide pandemic.
Despite the freedom I enjoyed as a bum, I needed to shell out money for unexpected needs. Money that was supposed to keep me afloat while I was in between jobs.
With the need for a monthly income in mind, the temptation from the corporate world knocked on my door.
I heard of job offers from other banks and basic pay that would blow my mind if I returned to my old position, stress, and burnout.
Would the money and elbow room from such a salary make up for mental anguish?
I was so close to thinking so. After not hearing back from job applications in fields I hoped to enter, I was about to give in. Bank recruiters personally reached out to me while my active applications fell on deaf ears.
It was easier to succumb to the call of the cash.
It was tough to hold on to the fact that cash never made up for your emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. No amount of money could give you the time you need to rejuvenate physically, mentally, and emotionally.
No amount of money and no employer could help you meet the needs for your personal goals.
So going back to the corporate/finance world was a no-go for me.
Understanding ALL of your needs will help you figure out what you want in a job.
2. Understanding Your Worth and A Title
The Power of Titles and Positions
Holding down a higher-paying job (based on local standards) and having a title to my name was a societal expectation.
There is some sense of smallness when people ask you about your unemployment.
An unspoken prestige came with employment from a century-old institution in the industry. It may make one feel a higher sense of worth—maybe even entitlement. Leaving something like this is like Prince Harry stripped off his military titles after stepping away.
In a not-so-similar sense, people looked at me in pity. And my parents proudly told people I was looking for a new job or I had plans for this and that.
Meanwhile, I was hiding from anything concrete.
As an Asian, there is pressure to add a title to my name. Most of us grow up with family members prized with Dr., Engr., P. Arch, and the like before their names. Having the word manager in mine, albeit assistant manager, was something my parents were proud of.
It was as if I needed this, too—but only in the face of those asking.
Seeing friends get promoted and hearing of their opportunities with other banks, I struggled with my worth. In between jobs, I now know that I do not want the same.
When all was said and done, I was happier without comparing my performance, stress, and workload to those around me.
Your worth is not in your title nor in the “gracious” employer that gave you that title or position. It is not in your KPIs and not in your annual performance rating, or annual compensation.
I know how hard I worked. If that was not enough, then as expendable as I am, I was happy to change chapters in my life.
So when the opportunity for an online, full-time job knocked on my door, I was not afraid of what my previous colleagues would think and what the older generation would say.
The freedom from titles and the flexibility I enjoyed as a member of the unemployed (and now a freelancer) seemed more appealing than anything else.
3. Understanding Your Responsibilities
The Burden of Living
We work to afford living.
If food, electricity, comfort, and security were free, then I bet not a single soul would subject themselves to tasks they hated.
We would all be doing things that brought our souls to life and set our spirits free. Alas, we live at a cost. More so for those who provide for others’ survival.
I may not have a family of my own, but I help out with the expenses in our household. Aside from that, I have a little doggo that deserves all the love and care he can get.
Though smaller than the cost of rearing a family, there are responsibilities on my shoulders.
It is typically Asian for me to want to give back and help with what I can. Extra responsibilities were one of the reasons that kept me tied to a corporate job that burnt me to a crisp (Check out my struggle to resign here).
It took six long years to remember that I am responsible for myself first and foremost.
Carrying the responsibility with me, I refused to give myself a break. I did not pamper myself and splurge on my interests.
Instead, I saved enough to make me survive for the future, put the rest into bills, and stashed others in good and bad investments.
I had to learn to take care of myself, be responsible for my happiness, and set the boundaries for the extra responsibilities I should carry.
As children, it is a noble mindset to help the family and give back. But here is the deal: you do not owe your parents for raising you and putting you into this world. That was their choice and the responsibility of that choice. Giving back in gratitude and in the excess of your personal needs is a blessing. But giving back as mandated is not your job—very western, I know.
If you do, and if you have, you are noble. I sincerely respect your dedication and heart. But here is a friendly reminder: Learn to take the world off your shoulders sometimes and be responsible for yourself.
4. Understanding Your Perfect Balance
The Decision
There is no perfect job. No matter how hard you look, there will always be cons to the pros.
I learned that a dream job cannot answer all of your questions. There is only a perfect balance between the answer and stones left unturned.
The key is to find your perfect balance.
Find the balance between the good and the bad, working hours and your time, personal growth and the workload, etc.
The scale is different for each person. What I find a perfect balance of time and flexibility may look like chaos to you. So a good understanding of what this personally looks like is crucial.
Before I found anything close to a perfect balance, I was confused and scared.
I did not want to lose the freedom I had. I was afraid to let go—scared I was merely succumbing to the demands of society but also scared that I might not find a better offer or position anywhere else.
The decision was tough.
Even after agreeing to a paid trial, I was still uncertain. I talked to people around me about how I honestly disliked the idea of jumping back on the working world horse.
The peace from unemployment juxtaposed with a world economy that seemed to be crashing made me uneasy. Even if I wanted to remain free and unbothered by making money, the cost of living was slowly rising.
I needed to find my center in the midst of it all.
Understanding the balance I needed at this stage of my life pushed me to go in the other direction.
The answer became crystal clear when I found the balance on the tightrope of compensation, work demands, and time. With that, I decided to get a full-time job.
Not just any full-time job, I got one that provided adequate compensation, fully remote work, flexible time, and unlimited leaves. Right now, I am trying to test the limits of the “Work From Anywhere” feature the company proudly advertised.
With this job, I may have found the sweet spot between the freedom that came with holding down a job and one that came with unemployment. I saw the balance between the demands of a corporate job and time for my personal goals (still a work in progress); and the balance between pay and living free from the never-ending burden of money making.
Finding my balance helped me decide to get the freedom I needed (for now).
So, what does freedom look like?
Freedom comes in all shapes and forms. Some may need complete freedom from an employer—something I thought I wanted.
Some may want freedom from an employer but still want the structure and stability of some form of employment—something I have found myself in now. While some find liberty in the security of the corporate ladder—something my friends in the bank is happy with.
Each one’s needs are different. Each journey is different. I cannot say what you should do when contemplating your goals and the freedom you choose to attain. All I can say is that we have individual needs that should be addressed individually.
I hope you find your balance. I hope you find your freedom.
Busyzi 