The Fear of Getting Back to Work

After the holidays, personal projects, and events in the last few weeks, I finally returned to a full week of work. 

Instead of being refreshed and rested, the work week was dreaded and stress-filled. I really did not want to get back to work.

Why do I Fear Getting Back to Work?

When I had to return after the holidays, anxiety tensed my shoulders, making my neck hurt. The fear of returning to work pushed me to double my revenge bedtime procrastination leading up to my 1st work day of the New Year. I refused to sleep early as the days approached.

I did not want that  tomorrow to come.  But all I did to prolong the holidays made me tired, which resulted in a tired first few days of work for 2024. 

What a way to start the Year!

Luckily, I extended my Holiday break by two days and officially started the work year on the 4th of January instead of the 2nd. Next to that, the first three weeks of January were sprinkled with leaves left and right, which only left me with a full week of work last week.

Why does Work Mean Stress?

On the morning of January 4th, fear swallowed me. I was paralyzed from dealing with the workload head-on. It was the Sunday Scaries on a Wednesday afternoon, combined with client-call fear and the anxiety of the unknown when I logged in. 

Returning to work filled me with exaggerated stress, even if I was popping in and out of work throughout the holiday break (due to skeletal workforce assignments). I knew what I was facing when I booted up my laptop that morning. I prepared a day in advance for my call scheduled on the 4th, yet I was still overwhelmed.

I also had a light week to look forward to, only working on Thursday and Friday. Again, I was going on leave next Thursday and Friday to attend a friend’s wedding. 

I only had to work 2 days for the first week of the year and 3 days the next. 

I should not be stressing but taking it easy for the next leave. Instead, since I was leaving again, I was stressed catching up on everything before I stepped away.  

I know I am not the only one who hates getting back to work after a long break and not the only one who hates all the stress leading up to a break as well. 

So, I did a little research, and here is what I found. 

What are Post-Vacation Blues? 

After some research, this fear and anxiety is called “post-vacation blues” or “post-vacation depression.” Something I did not know existed but have been dealing with in the last 8 years of adulting. 

The self-care world tells us to take a break. They say we need to step away. It will help us from burnout.  But there are days when stepping away becomes the stress we were escaping from.

According to Psychology Today, this is because of a disruption in your routine that breaks the fine balance between rest and stress.  Although the phenomenon is not clinically diagnosed, people from all the way back in the 1950s have reported this stress and anxiety after a long break. 

It’s been about 70 years, and we are still putting up with this cycle of happiness that nose-dives into depression when you step in for work. We still put up with a freedom that we know is limited and will once again end behind the confines and limitations of a desk. 

Getting Back To Work Broke a New Routines

I made a new, peaceful routine over the holiday break. 

Long, slow mornings drifted into light, peaceful lunches and steady nights of binge reading. 

Days started late, afternoons lingered, and nights were spent in worlds unknown. 

I spent all morning writing away my thoughts. No rush to get up. Nights were spent pushing the envelope on how many chapters I could finish before it was too late. 

With the nine-to-five back, I had to say goodbye to my newfound joy. 

We are back to rushed early mornings, time-limited lunch breaks, and hurried nights to sleep early for another work day. After a somewhat hurried sleep, we start again.

Who would want to go back to work? 

From that perspective, no one would. 

Gladly, I was able to take a couple of days off right after the 1st of January, followed by a week away for a wedding and summer camp volunteering which has helped me delay the full work week. 

But now I am back, fully back, and as stressed as ever.

It took me this year to realize that I am not alone in this dread. I am not the only one thinking something is wrong with this whole work-vacation-and-work cycle. We all struggle with this. 

Well, maybe not all. Some people love working, hate the time away, and can’t wait to get back to work. Something I would only day understand (but not be). 

I do not know how they survive, but good for you!