With my plan to fall back in love with things that gave me joy, I decided to dance again.
Four weeks ago, I stood terrified of signing up for something people may think I should have outgrown. My heart raced, and my mind kept talking me out of entering the studio’s reception area with about four parents waiting for their children to get out of class. Eyes were on me as I inquired about available classes and explained my past with dance.
Mustering all my courage, I convinced myself that their opinions have no bearing on things that make me happy—especially if I was rekindling my interest in things that gave me joy growing up.
So here is what the last four weeks of dancing looked like for someone who hasn’t done this in years:
1. Strict Classical Ballet Classes are not for the Weak-Willed.
The dance studio I decided to sign-up with had two different adult ballet classes:
Classical Ballet and Ballet Fitness. One strictly taught the foundations of ballet, and the other had a mix of pilates and strength training outside the realm of Swan Lake and the Nutcracker.
Since I usually worked in the mornings, the ballet fitness class was not an option, and I was left to sign-up for the classical ballet class. I did not complain. Honestly, I loved to return to how I started dancing. I liked the idea of fine-tuning my movements and technique.
Little did I know that my late-twenties brain could not pick up instruction as quickly as I did 20 years ago. I was shocked at how bad my spacial awareness was. I could not coordinate the positions of each finger down to my toes. How did 8-year-old me do this?
It is not only physical exercise but mentally tiring.
Your mind has to think but not think, too! Muscle memory has to take control because the more you focus on getting each part right, the more you lose count and coordination. Though a challenge, the reminder of such awareness is a breath of fresh air from screens and social media.
2. My Body Should not be Able to Do that, But I Apparently Can and Have to
Our kind and patient teacher decided to work on extensions last week. Smiling, she held up my right extension. I was flexible but too weak to keep the leg in place.
After six years of stagnation in an office job and four years of college (nose stuck in a book), my skinny body has no strong muscles to save itself. So after letting go, my foot slammed to the floor like a solid brick—so much for grace.
Trust me, I mustered all the strength to keep my extension up, but it was not enough.
With all patience, my teacher asked me to try again while fixing my turnout and my shoulders—the multi-tasking is crazy. I had no idea how much my knees could turn out or how much I could straighten my leg when I felt like it was straighter Mr. Schwarzenegge. I guess not.
The class helped me learn more about my strengths, weaknesses, and posture (I apparently keep my shoulders up in tension that slanted slightly down to the right). The class challenges me to break the limitations of my body and correct habits I picked up from years on my butt facing computers.
3. No Pain No Gain-Cliché But True
With classical ballet training, you can hurt in ways you would not expect from somewhat simple movements.
For those unfamiliar with the plié, this is just a bend in the knee. But repeating this movement with all the other steps and exercises can ignite the burn in your quads.
Not just that, pointing my toes for multiple exercises made me cramp over the last two classes. I had to force my foot out of the cramp to keep up with the class.
The worst pain so far was when we decided to join a contemporary class open to the students enrolled in the intermediate ballet class. There were so many rises and falls from standing or sitting positions straight to the floor. Many rolls on the floor lead to a stand. After an hour, my quads decided they wanted to be on someone else’s body.
For the next two days, stairs and chairs were my worst enemies.
So here I am suffering the consequences of dancing after almost 15 years (20 years since I had a formal class)! The realization was a slap to my face.
With more practice and classes, I will grow stronger. Eventually, each class will come easier.
4. Trying New Things and Attending Classes are Scary
Before the first two dance classes, I stood a few feet from the door afraid to enter. I contemplated running away instead of pushing through with my plan to try to dance again.
The fear intensified right before the contemporary class. Kids who have been dancing for more than five years may look at me like some old, untrained hag. I was ready to step away from something I admittedly was excited about.
It took so long for me to realize that I keep myself from the things I know I want because of fear and a mindset that I am not worthy of these thighs. Learning this, I am tired of depriving myself and holding on to fear. I decided to break this cycle by starting small—through a dance class.
I know there are more things I want to do, but fear has been holding me back. I always planned to get back into dancing. Action was just half a decade too late.
5. Make New Friends
It is not easy making friends as an adult. More so if you work from home and work alone.
As an adult, there are no classrooms to meet new people, no projects or exams to bond over. As a remote worker, there are no office pantries to gather together in over a lunch break or cubicles to hide behind and talk over a coffee break.
On the other hand, office friendships are mostly tainted with politics and competition on the corporate ladder. Only a handful can be considered genuine. Of the six years in the corporate world, only 2-3 people have kept in touch since I left.
Since I started working remotely, I have been self-isolating for a while. Right now, I am in a season of openness, just as winter is closing its doors for spring to take its place. At times I crave the laughter and companionship of friends, but I barely have any left in this busy city. Signing up for classes I am interested in is the best option to meet new people and step out of my comfort zone (again something scary).
So far, I still have not made any friends after almost a month of classes. Hope is not lost. I have all the time for doors to open up to friendships built on the foundation of a mutual love for dance.
Busyzi 
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